


When You Give a Witch Some Shrooms

by riot3672



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Background Relationships, Creepy Fluff, Drugs Made Them Do It, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Hallucinations, Hallucinogens, Nightmare Fuel, POV Multiple, Psychotropic Drugs, Team Bonding, Trippy, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, it got meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:24:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riot3672/pseuds/riot3672
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a team bonding retreat in Tony's mountain mansion, while Steve, Natasha, and Tony are distracted, the new Avengers decide to gamble a bit and experiment with shrooms. But, five minutes in, no one can find Wanda or Bucky, Pietro's eaten too many shrooms and is angrily puking in the backyard, and the only possible end for this night is nightmare fuel disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Give a Witch Some Shrooms

Wanda decided about a month into full New Avengers training post-Pietro revival that the reason no one complained about not being paid what was apparently considered “living wages” had to do with the fact that Tony Stark gave full and complete access to all his assets. This month’s “retreat” involved a long weekend at Tony’s mansion in Aspen. It was one of those things where Wanda really couldn’t complain.

Of course, after one night, Tony, one of the three “senior Avengers,” literally rode off with Rhodey in their suits to go get Burger King, because apparently eccentric billionaires did shit like that. Natasha and Steve were off planning some deep bonding exercises, leaving her, Pietro, Sam, Vision, Scott, and Bucky to sit and stare at each other. (None of them could figure out how to work the TV.)

Pietro looked around, settled his gaze on the gorgeous mountain view right outside the living room window.

“Isn’t Colorado one of the states with the legal weed?” he asked.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, but if it’s legal, is it even worth it?”

Pietro crossed his arms. “It would be, if it actually worked.”

Scott smiled. “You know what might work better?”

Pietro grinned. “What?”

Scott reached into his backpack and pulled out a…what looked like a bag of mushrooms. “I took a little detour to a guy my buddy Luis knows and he guaranteed this was some of highest quality magic mushrooms around.”

Wanda had no idea why Pietro looked so excited considering he’d never taken hallucinogens.

“Do you just eat them straight or…?” Pietro asked.

“It’s up to you guys. I noticed Tony had a box of no bake Reese’s brownies so we could just sprinkle this stuff on top.”

Everyone exchanged a look and jumped to their feet. 

Or, well, everyone except Vision.

“Guys, what about Vision?” Wanda said.

“There’s no guarantee that he’ll even experience anything,” Sam said, pointing to Pietro. “Vision can be the team mom.”

Fifteen minutes later, Scott had a plate of magic brownies and a whole lot of indecision.

“Bucky needs to do it first,” Sam said. “He missed the sixties.”

“None of you were alive in the sixties,” Bucky replied.

“I think Wanda should get first dips,” Sam said. “She’ll probably be clairvoyant.”

Wanda scooted away from the plate.

“Look guys, all that matters is that Pietro gets last dibs,” Scott said.

“Fuck you too,” Pietro said.

Scott gave him a look. “Because you’ll need more.”

Everyone took one brownie and handed the remaining platter to Pietro. 

“Alright Vision, make sure no one dies,” Scott said as he raised his brownie. Everyone followed suit. “Godspeed, Avengers.”

Everyone took their first bite.

#

Natasha knew something was wrong when it had been twelve hours in Tony’s mountain mansion and no one had injured themselves.

“Steve, where is everyone?” Natasha asked as she helped Steve type up the itinerary a guaranteed half of their recruits would not follow.

“They’re just resting downstairs.”

“Steve, we did absolutely nothing today.”

There was a moment of silence before they heard something break downstairs.

Steve stood up. “I’m going to regret this.”

Natasha jumped to her feet and motioned Steve out.

The broken object in question was a photo, and it appeared as if Scott was the one who had broken it. The problem was, he was just standing there, staring at the broken glass as if entranced as Vision cleaned it.

She figured it out when she found Sam painting what could’ve been an album cover to something in the ‘70s in the next room over.

“Hey Vision, what’s going on?” Natasha asked, suppressing a smile.

Vision continued to carefully sweep the broken glass into a waste bin. “Everyone took some kind of hallucinogenic mushrooms on brownies. I can’t find Bucky and Wanda, and Pietro’s vomiting in the backyard.”

Steve was suddenly in the room. “Did you just say you _don’t know_ where Bucky and Wanda are?”

Vision nodded. “Bucky ran off almost immediately, and Wanda followed Pietro outside when he started to get sick, but I checked outside and Pietro’s alone.”

Now that… _that_ was problematic. Wanda was tougher than she looked, but no one should be left alone in the mountains at night. Especially not while tripping on shrooms.

Natasha exchanged a look with Steve.

“I’ll find Wanda, you find Bucky,” Natasha said.

Steve gave her a salute, and Natasha ran outside.

She found Pietro slumped over the edge of Tony’s hot tub, in the most teen movie party gone wrong scene, vomit splattered everywhere, most of it swirling in the hot tub. She mentally noted to get Tony’s reaction on camera.

“Scott, I’ve been letting myself puke but I’m not getting to the trip part,” Pietro whined to the Scott who was in no way listening.

Natasha squatted down in a patch of clean pavement. “Should I be ordering an ambulance for you?”

Pietro looked up at her, but there was no sign of panic. For a moment, she _was_ almost worried.

“Scott said I might have to eat more to get an effect so I ate twenty.”

Out of all the people Wanda could have revived…

“I hate to tell you this, but I think the shrooms did nothing and you’re sick from eating twenty brownies.” Pietro said nothing. “Where’s your sister?”

“She put my hair in a man bun and ran off,” he said, vaguely gesturing to the way his white hair was tied up with a pink hair tie. “She responds to Wanda.”

Natasha got to her feet. “You might want to stop using Tony’s hot tub as a toilet.”

Pietro turned his head and groaned something along the lines of, “fuck.”

Natasha made it two steps before it dawned on Pietro.

“Wait a minute! Where the hell is Wanda?” he exclaimed.

“Vision lost track of her a while ago,” Natasha said.

“Worst fucking mom ever,” Pietro said as he stumbled to his feet. “Where do you—?”

“I don’t know. How far do you think she could’ve gone?”

Pietro was suddenly a foot from her, hands gripping her shirt. “She could be anywhere by now! God, Wanda!”

Natasha pushed Pietro off. “Here, you start searching the woods. I’ll look in the house again. You have your Bluetooth?”Pietro touched his inner ear and nodded. “First one to find her can rein the other in.”

Pietro disappeared, the only sign that he’d ever been there the prints the vomit on the bottoms of his shoes left on the grass.

Natasha swallowed, and went inside.

“Wanda!” she called. Ugh, why would Wanda respond? Surely Vision had been calling her name for a while. “Come on out, baby bear. Your brother’s losing it looking for you.”

She checked the library, Tony’s office, Pepper’s office, Tony’s other office, the game room, the entirety of the basement, and there was no sign of Wanda. 

“Pietro, any luck?” Natasha asked into the Bluetooth.

No answer.

“Wan-da!” 

Natasha searched through the whole first floor, twenty or so rooms in total, before she had to take a break. She’d been working in the mountains for years, but sometimes it just got to her. She slipped to the ground outside one of the guest rooms and held her head between her knees to let a wave of dizziness pass. 

“God, Wanda, you better be okay,” she muttered.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Natasha startled, and tensed to get an origin for the sound. Tony had been telling them ridiculous stories about genetically engineered animals, ghosts, and psychotic robbers all day, and Natasha couldn’t help but recall his stories.

The sound was coming from the guest room.

Natasha got to her feet, fingers grazing her gun, and peeked inside the room.

The lights were off, any illumination spilling in from an open window at the end of the room. The tapping was still happening, continuous, but more spaced out than the first time. She turned on the light.

Natasha got down on her belly and looked under the bed. Smiled.

“There you are, baby bear.”

Wanda was lying face up under the bed, knocking on the bed frame. She seemed to be almost catatonic. Her eyes were open, but she wasn’t responding. Natasha noted that there also wasn’t any hex energy around Wanda, which was both interesting and a relief.

Wanda came out like a rag doll, Natasha pulling her out by her arms.

“Pietro, come in. I found Wanda in Bedroom Five. She’s,” Natasha adjusted Wanda, settling her into Natasha’s lap, “really tripping.”

Pietro was in the room faster than Natasha could ever expect him. He scooped Wanda into his arms, taking special care to cradle her head. He stared into her eyes.

“Jesus, is she even conscious?” Pietro asked.

“I don’t want to say she’s catatonic…”

“Shit, is that dangerous?”

“If she only had one, that can’t be that much magic mushroom.”

Pietro walked with Natasha back to the living room. Natasha wouldn’t ask, but she suspected that he might have wanted to run but chose not to.

They returned to find Sam still painting, Scott watching Sam paint, Vision watching Sam paint, Bucky on the couch wrapped in a blanket, and Steve beside him.

“You found Wanda,” Vision said, smiling.

“No thanks to you,” Pietro commented as he found a seat on one of the other couches.

“Or you,” Natasha quipped, winking.

Steve looked around the living room. Sam had gotten his paint all over the floor, the picture was conspicuously gone, and somewhere in the backyard Pietro’s vomit was still congealing in Tony’s jacuzzi. 

“So do we tell Tony?” Natasha asked.

“ _Tony has been listening to all your communications_.”

Steve and Natasha stiffened, and sighed. The god damn earpieces.

“Can you get Pietro a Sprite?” Natasha asked.

“ _Gotcha_.”

#

Pietro still felt pretty shitty, but by the time Tony returned with a shit ton of Burger King, he at least could look at the food without automatically wanting to upchuck. He laid with his head in Wanda’s lap, her having regained enough clarity to declare him the worse off between the two of them. 

Tony arrived tossing wrapped up burgers and bags of fries to whoever could catch, Rhodey trailing behind handing out drinks. When he arrived at Wanda, still more or less expressionless, he got down on his knees and dug into the Burger King bag like he was fucking Santa Claus.

“Don’t you worry, kid. I got you the best get well kit,” Tony said. Slowly, he pulled out a box of chicken fries, complete with the little image of a cartoon chicken on the front of the box, folded it open, and reached into his bag again. “I figured it wasn’t much of a barbecue sauce night. Little too intense.” He pulled out a little tub of ranch dressing, ripped off the top, stuck it in the dipping sauce carrying area, and handed Wanda the box. It took a second, but she gripped onto it. He then removed the tiniest order of fries Pietro had ever seen, made Wanda hold that. “And a lemonade.”

He set the small lemonade between Wanda’s hip and the side of the couch. Slowly, Wanda’s gaze went from the food up to Tony. She wrinkled her brow.

Tony lifted a finger. “Don’t say anything. I know.”

Tony handed Pietro his Sprite. “There are five orders of chicken fries left for you when you stop destroying my property.”

“Man, you can’t just control that shit,” Pietro said, sitting up.

“If I had an average income and you were a dog, you’d be so expensive that I would’ve had to let you die on the operating table.”

“Excuse me, I have to go puke in your pool again.”

Pietro watched as Wanda struggled to eat her food with both hands occupied, eventually setting the bag of fries on the table in front of her.

“Hey Wanda, what’d you see when you were tripping?” Scott asked. “The future?”

Wanda said nothing, taking her time to dip a chicken fry in the ranch, chewing. Her eyes widened mid-chew. She shook her head.

Tony threw his hands up. “She saw the apocalypse.”

“Man, can someone not just have a bad trip?” Sam said. “Bucky was stuck in a closet for three hours. Doesn’t mean he was seeing the future.”

“Yeah, but Wanda has,” Tony made a vague wiggly hand motion.

“Whatever it was, it must’ve freaked her out,” Natasha said. “And beyond that, who cares? She’s still coming down. Leave her alone.”

Pietro watched Wanda as the other Avengers debated. She seemed utterly unaffected, eating her chicken and watching with glazed eyes.

Pietro whispered in her ear. “What did you see?”

She answered mid-bite, hand muffling her mouth. “You really wanna know?”

Pietro shrugged, and everyone looked to her.

Wanda swallowed, took a sip of her drink, and stared running her fingers along the back of her hand. Still clearly tripping.

“Honestly, I don’t…everyone was…savage. I don’t—there was this—Wolverine was there.”

“Like the Hugh Jackman character?” Tony asked.

“Yeah. Anyway, I don’t know—but there was, this…I don’t know, monster, man, thing, I don’t know. Everyone was there…but…this thing. I don’t know what it was, but it…it was eating people.”

“Was it like an animal?” Pietro asked.

“No, it was…the thing was, it didn’t have animal teeth. It was just a normal human in that regard. It ripped people apart, took chunks out of their torsos and left them for dead…”

“Did it get Hugh Jackman?” Tony asked.

“No, no, it—it didn’t. I don’t know where…everyone was there at some point, but then everyone was either eaten or decapitated or something—”

“So it was like _Game of Thrones_ ,” Rhodey said.

“Worse than that. I just—I don’t know how it got there, but at some point, it was just Wolverine, but he was old, and…and Clint came to him saying they had to…deliver drugs or something.”

“Sounds like Clint,” Tony quipped.

“But they couldn’t leave their land because of…some other monster. I don’t know who that was either but…”

“Does this apocalypse have an actual storyline besides everyone getting eaten?” Tony asked.

“But in the end, Clint was shot and…Wolverine was eaten, but then he clawed his way out of that monster...who I think was Hulk and…and then it stopped being about anyone. Then it was just me.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “It felt like I was back with Strucker, but I don’t know if it was. At some point it just bled into color. I felt paralyzed, like I couldn’t use my powers. The whole time it felt like that.”

Everyone except Wanda exchanged a long look.

“That sounds like a normal acid trip,” Tony said.

Wanda turned right to Scott. “Your wife was eaten alive.”

“I’m not married,” Scott said, eyes wide.

“Her name was Wasp.”

Pietro knew just enough to know that Scott was dating some girl whose alter ego was Wasp. Hope? He didn’t know. Hope liked him and Wanda together, so he liked her. Pietro put an arm around Wanda.

Everyone exchanged another look.

Tony shivered. “Whew, glad I didn’t get to actually see the little witch as the premonitions came in.”

Tony started sipping on his drink, and no one spoke. The sucking sound filled the room.

“Remind me to never give you magic mushrooms ever,” Scott said to Wanda. He glanced at Pietro. “Or you.”


End file.
